What to do?

I think the moment that I have been dreading is about to happen. Dan’s mom I think is going to ask about his brother moving down with us and staying here. While I’m not 100% opposed to it because it would help us out financially at least, but I’m worried about us simply for the fact that we have been fighting so much lately and I’m not sure if we can survive something like that when we have started to get past everything.

I’m worried and scared but I have to think about it. And think about if we do this, we will have no privacy (which is hard enough as it is), but then what about us together. How will that affect us? Will we fight more? Will it ultimately put too much pressure on us and to the point where we just both give up? What should I do?

It Feels Like

It feels like ages since I’ve been on here to actually write something worthwhile and it of course has been. A lot of things are happening lately, especially money wise. It’s been tough financially this past month and it’ll probably get a lot harder before it gets better.

I’m really glad now that I got this new job with the pay raise; otherwise I don’t know what Dan and I would have done. Needless to say…it started with my car. My poor car has seen enough and I started having problems with the transmission (originally it was thought to be a wheel bearing from the noise it was making) and I stopped driving it in August.

There was mostly definitely something wrong with my transmission; the bearing in the most inner case was shredded. Luckily, however, we didn’t damage anything by continuing to drive it; otherwise it would have cost a lot more than it did. $1,300 later…. It’s in the process of being fixed and should be fixed tomorrow (hopefully).

The second thing was that Dan and I broke down and bought a new bed…we had no choice in this matter; we simply needed it at this point. We were sleeping on a futon and it was so broken down neither one of us was getting any sleep. We couldn’t function and we were constantly jumping down each other’s throats because we were tired.

The new bed is a lot nicer, but it’s added $1,300 with the total now up to: $2,600. And it doesn’t even stop there. I just got the gas turned on so we would have heat before it got extremely cold, and that was $150 deposit :(. Then the discovery that one of our furnaces stopped working :mad:. Knowing that we had to fix the furnace there was really no alternative than to pay to have someone come out and take a look at it. $340 dollars later….our furnace is hopefully fixed. I haven’t been home yet to see if it’s working. They had to buy a new circuit board for it because the original one had a several shorts, AND we had missed the warranty by a few months. If only we had known, it would have been free. But isn’t that how it normally is?

Now the grand total so far is: $3,090 in the past month that we have shelled out in loans and cash. Not to mention on top of our normal bills. Isn’t it funny how I thought I was getting back on track money wise; paying some of my old bills and paying my cards down, and shit like this happens? In this world; you always get screwed.

But we’ll make it. We always do, we’ll have to budget. I know the bed is due next week (the first payment), and I’m not entirely sure how I plan on paying my phone bill because my parents are still expecting rent as well so I think I’ll pay half of my phone bill next week, the bed payment, and half of the rent money which will take about $300 of my paycheck.

Once I get that taken care of, then I’ll pay the water softner, my car repair bill, the other half of my phone and the other half of rent. Then the following week I will pay on my laptop, take half of rent out, pay part of my phone and just dish as much money out as possible that will pay the bills.

It sucks but we’ll get through it…eventually.

What have I done?!

So, I follow pinterest somewhat avidly, and have tried a couple things, for example, the DIY Mod Podge

Of course, I found out after doing that DIY Mod Podge, that it is in deed a fraud in that department and should not be used for any decoupage projects other than maybe paper. I think the biggest thing is that it took so long to dry verus the actual Plaid Mod Podge and it was super runny. I decided eventually I want to sell some decoupage stuff, and thought I should get the real thing so there isn’t any issues.

I could tell the different as far as the strength, the drying time and the overall quality of it.

Obviously I did not have a nice pretty jar, so I ended up using a Kraft Parmesan container. Works just as well, but it does leak at the top when you shake it (to mix the water and glue together).

After doing a couple DIY activities from pinterest, I am trying a new one. Mod podging an image to a board (wood).

There’s the Mod Podge that I bought at Wal-Mart who I’ve found has a bigger selection on finishes than Hobby Lobby did regarding Mod Podge. I thought that Gloss would be too shiny for everything I’d be doing, and I was correct. The Satin is perfect for everything as it still has the gloss to it, but not as intense.

I work for a company that offers a Signs & Graphics shop, so I was able to print out an Avengers poster, and yes I understand all about copyright laws and how they work. Moving on, I printed out this custom size, and a couple days later, I thought, ‘how am I going to find a frame for this? I’d have to have a expensive custom frame made.’ But alas, I have come to another solution that works just as well.

There’s the poster already mounted to the wood. Basically what I did, since we just finished building our house, we had extra lumber hanging around. So I took a board, let it dry off, sanded down with a harsh sand paper to get rid of anything that was sticking up since the wood was unfinished. I then took a smoother sand paper and made it feel smooth and nice to the touch. I then marked where the board was to be cut, had my boyfriend (Dan) cut it while he was off of work then sanded down that extra edge.

I had gone to Wal-Mart and bought a can of white spray paint, which actual white paint, would work just as well. Nearly a can later, the board is covered (mostly). I let some of the imperfections show through to help give it character. I did not spray paint the back side of the board since it was going to be up against a wall.

After waiting for it to dry a couple hours, I then mod podge the backside of the image and mod podge the entire board. I only did the entire board because I thought it would feel weird if only the image had the texture of the mod podge, and I figured it would probably hold better as well.

There’s a side view to show the image on the board. You can clearly see that my board is bigger than the image, which is the way I wanted it. You can do it, where you trim down all the edges of the board to make the board fit the image or vice versa.

Here’s what it looks like drying (you can see the white streaks on the paper which will disappear once it dries) and the board itself. I’ve only applied one coat so far, but after it dries (15-20 mins), apply another coat about 6-8 times for something like this. You wouldn’t want it to come off, and the mod podge seals the top of it and helps hold it to the board. Don’t forget to do the entire board, and not just the image.

Then all you have to do is add hanging hardware to the back (I’d put two for mine) and then proudly hang and display your custom wooden poster frame.

Also, if you decide to bleed the image to the edge (being the image extends to the edge of the board), then you can sand down the edges of the print to give it a more old fashion look.

I feel like I’ve taken a step towards being Martha. >< Enjoy, and hope your results are just as good!

Disappointment in the form of a sister

I want to say that I have mentioned I was going to be taking my niece, Rylee, to the children’s museum here in Indianapolis. I had told my sister about it weeks ago (July 9th to be exact) and had asked her multiple times if I could take her. After her saying no many times, and after my Dad finally talking to her, she decided to let me take her, Wednesday night. The Museum was sponsored by Roche (where Dan works) and we had already picked up our tickets for the three of us. The outing was supposed to be yesterday, July 28th, so I thought I had given her ample time to let her know about it.

She sends me a text, Friday (the 27th), letting me know she “forgot” that Rylee had a birthday party for her cousin (Brian’s brothers kid) even though he had already had a birthday party earlier this year. Needless to say, it was at the time we were supposed to leave to go to the Museum, and needless to say, my sister texted me this morning at 927am, to let me know that I could not take Rylee and that she was sorry, but she was going to the birthday party.

I was devastated. I started crying and went and got Dan explaining to him what my sister had done. I couldn’t believe her, the betrayal and the disappointment that followed was heart-breaking.

Needless to say, I will stop talking to her until she understands that she severely hurt myself, and the possibility of Rylee having an awesome time with her Tia.

Who would’ve thought

Who would have thought that after everything I’ve been through in my life from the pain of being an outcast, trying to find a place in this word, or from trying and believing in the wrong person that I found love, that after all of that, I would find it in the least expected place?

I went and saw The Dark Knight Rises tonight and after spending some time with my best friend, Rachel, Dan, Molly, Christie and her sister, Ann, that I would be reflecting on how much I truly care and love Dan. Dan and I got home about 330 or so and we just went and laid down (which is where I’m at right now, lying next to him as he sleeps).

We have this look, that we give each other allowing us for a big glimpse inside of how we feel about each other that means more than ‘I love you’. We had been joking before dinner and the movies about getting married and how since there was a pool at my work when we’d get engaged that he would buy a ring and sit on it until I least expected it. And it made me realize that my fear of marriage, and unwavering commitment was unfounded and unjust.

I realized that Dan is the person I feel so deeply and strongly about that my chest aches at the emotions that I strain to hold back. I realize, that I want to marry him, that I want to spend my life growing old with him, enjoying life like I never could before.

He tells me from time to time, that I’m the love of his life. And looks at me, like his world revolves around me and he couldn’t imagine or want it any other way. I have been lucky. And sometimes I take us for granted. Arguments and snapping at each other here and there. But that’s to be expected in any relationship I guess. I mean we moved in with each other only about 7 months in.

I left him a note on the fridge where he would see it earlier this week, explaining how he is so intertwined in my life, my family, and my soul that I couldn’t imagine a time before this, before us without him. And that I am thankful for his support, his humor and his caring nature. It’s a wonder why I can’t sleep right now. Maybe in light of the batman massacre that I’m reflecting a bit. Realizing life is short and that I have everything I need in my life to be happy. And maybe thinking that I don’t know what I would do with Daniel. What I would do without my niece, and my friends and family.

I have no regrets anymore. Because every misstep, every bad decision has lead me to this very point in time, with my beautiful niece and the love of my life. My worlds.

Bitter Sweet End

August 9th is my official last day working for FedEx Office and then I start on August 13th with the new company. Looking forward to it, but dreading it as well. The biggest challenge is that its a new job, I basically work that one week then start classes the next week which is more nerve wrecking; especially since I am apparently not elegible for financial aid. *gasp* No surprise there.

It’s probably because they think I make too much (27,000/yr with overtime). It’s funny that after struggling to try to go to school for so long that I still cannot get help from the government. Nope, their motto is, “Pop out a hundred kids…you get 4 years of college free!!!!” Like some bad advertisement. It’ll be okay though, pretty much the difference in what I’ll be making at this new job will cover most of my schooling.

I am looking at getting a new TV too, since we just have this super cheap 27″ TV back from 2004. Which right now is better than nothing but I would like to eventually upgrade to a 46″ TV with maybe a HDMI input…just maybe. One can dream anyway.

Dan and I bought tickets to go see The Dark Knight Rises. Hopefully it is just as good as the second one. We are supposed to go see it with Molly and Christie from work and Rachel as well. We are absolutely crazy, going to the 11:50pm IMAX showing, but I think if we all sleep in, it’ll most definitely be worth it.

Not really much has changed. I finally saw Mary again, haven’t talked to her in almost a year and a half. Not since Jordan passed away, which was the last time she texted me. And that was last July. Have mixed feelings about that, not really something I would like to share online right now. Plus not to mention, I am TIRED! Woo. Really takes a lot out of you to do nothing all day.

Royally Fed Up

I have been for quite some time with my job. Mostly because of the manager and the direction of the company is headed. Basically it’s not someplace I would want to be for much longer. Like how our performance reviews are usually based on the job that you are performing and how well you are performing it. In a couple months…that will not be the case. It will be based on how much product of the month you sell to customers. What’s the point? What is going to happen is that they are going to hire a bunch of people who never learn their job or perform like they should be but still get credited and get raises because they are selling Product of the Month. It completely defeats the purpose of it and I plan on not sticking around to see it happen.

Plus, I have been planning on leaving for some time anyways, mainly because of the amount of stress that job gives me. Plus they are wanting us to do three people worth of work with only one person. Currently our store is down about 3-4 people. We are missing a production coordinator, a retail/self-serve person, a lead project coordinator (which is what I am) and a signs and graphics specialist. So today is the last day of my vacation (had the past week off) which had been planned since way earlier this year and I must say I am absolutely dreading going back to work tomorrow. I’ve heard horror stories since I’ve been off that it’s pretty bad in the store.

I applied to three jobs before I went on vacation (the weekend before) and received a call from one of the jobs and went in for an interview Tuesday (the first day of my vacation). I thought it went really well so well, that after I left I knew they would offer me the position. Of course, I was correct. I was offered a position with them yesterday and they said I should be receiving a package in the mail with information about the position regarding my background check, drug test etc.

The second company that I applied for was Verizon, which I just received an email today from them regarding about wanting to set up an interview for the position I applied for in Noblesville. Needless to say, as I like the benefits for Verizon (because they start on day one). My benefits with the company that offered me the position would start September 1st and I would start on August 13th. I am pretty excited, its better pay and a better schedule when what I am working now.

I have pretty much have done nothing all week on my vacation, and its been nice. Dan has noticed a huge change since I haven’t been stressed out to the extreme.


I discovered that song while browsing youtube yesterday searching for vocal trance. <3 I would definitely recommend listening to it.

It’s done…

The new theme is finally done! Woo-hoo! Hopefully everything is working alright so far. It has been tested in Safari and Chrome so it should hopefully work for everyone else. Sorry if you use Internet Explorer; I am not sure if it looks alright. Where to even begin about what has been going on.

In case you didn’t read the previous entries, the house is done and Dan and I have been in here since April. We’ve had our moments so far but I like to think everything is working out just fine. The house still needs a lot of work done to it to make it the way we want but we’ll get there.

Work has been extremely nuts lately, I’ve been stressing out quite a bit about it especially Signs and Graphics because it seems like only certain people do anything in there; but I’ve come to the point where it doesn’t even matter anymore. I clock in, do my work and leave when I’m supposed too.

4th of July is in a week which means in SIX days, my vacation starts. I am really excited because I am hoping to be able to accomplish quite a bit on the house and maybe do some yard work as well. I am supposed to be having a cookout too which should be fun. My niece had an accident with her Tia (me) and ended up fracturing her Tibia. =( I feel like a horrible Aunt even though I know it was an accident. She has a bright pink cast on that she’ll have for about 4-5 more weeks.

Past my class last semester with an A in Logic, Design and Programming. Now I have been trying to get with my advisor to see what classes I need to take in the fall. Hopefully I’ll be taking 3 classes like I hope.

I totally got my xbox 360 hooked back up and I’m excited. Been playing it when I can…or when Dan hasn’t taken it over. *glares*

My mom called out someone in heating and cooling because the big furniture here in the new house wasn’t kicking out anymore. Come to find out there was a mouse in the A/C unit which luckily only cost 100 dollars to get fixed. =D I also have been on birth control for some time (Azurette) and have been having horrible side effects just in general with it (and other kinds). I believe this is my 5th of 6th kind. I think I cannot do well with hormones so therefore I am going to my doctor on Thursday to discuss other options that do not contain any kind of hormones, such as IUDs, which ironically are covered 100% by my insurance company. Hopefully I’ll be able to get that because these hormones are driving both Dan and I crazy!

Guess that will be it for now. Getting kind of tired.

Have I mentioned…

That I suck? Because I do. I have been neglecting this site for awhile now and now it’s time to stop doing that! I will be working on a new design hopefully soon. And in case you were not aware; there will be no content featured on this site. This will be strictly a blog.