Back in ’09

I wrote the following back in May 2009, mainly for the fact I was annoyed with guys in general who kept feeling sorry for themselves. Now after dealing (and still dealing) with severe depression, I reread what I had wrote, realizing how inspiring it was. Thus, I thought I would share it with you, the readers. Severe Depression is serious and while not all people can simply “snap” out of it, it doesn’t mean that it’s the end. Understand that people who have dealt with the depression, know that its a constant battle. So without further ado, here is my note from facebook:

It seems like eternity ago, but in reality it was just an hour ago. I’m tired of people feeling sorry for themselves, and swearing there is nothing to live for. I’m tired of people saying if they don’t find a man or a woman by a certain age, they’ll end their lives or swear them off. I’m tired of boys, trying to act like men, who are suppose to be grown. I’m tired of people saying that I don’t understand, or they don’t want to talk about it. Well, let me tell you something.

I know what I’m talking about, and am completely aware of it. It took me years to even acknowledge the fact that I was suffering from severe depression, when my life hit rock bottom. I thought about killing myself every day, thought I’d be better off dead. Hoping if I ended my life, I wouldn’t have to feel the pain anymore. My health was gone, my happiness was gone…my life was gone. I lived to simply be an empty shell walking the earth.

I don’t know what happened, or how it even happened, but I snapped. I became weary of being depressed, and angry that I was depressed. I was mad at myself for letting myself, my mind and my body get to that point.

Life is worth living, it’s something to be proud of, to be happy and experience it. You may get dealt a really bad hand right after another, but that’s life. You can’t change it anymore than you can change the weather.

I want to be surrounded by people who want to live life, not destroy it, or get mad when I get too close to the truth. You can pout, and be upset as much as you want, but when everything is said and done, its still the truth.

There will be a man or a woman for you, whether it’s today, next month, or the next 5 years. You can be turned down, turn people down, but somewhere, deep within us, we never quit hoping for that one person, who completes us.

You may not feel emotions, or may be void of anything else, but all it takes is one person…one person who cares to make a difference. And if you can’t accept that help, then you never wanted to be saved in the first place, and I won’t feel pitty, remorse, or even angry, because you didn’t want someone to help you, to help make you realize, that life is worth living.

I have to live with the constant fear of slipping back into that depression, that I fought so hard to get out. My morale may be hit every once in awhile, but that’s life, you take it as it’s given to you. You, nor anyone else can bring me down, because I refuse to go down without a fight.

I would rather be alone for the rest of my life, then spending my life with someone who doesn’t appreciate it.

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